PHILIPPINES GIFTS

Posts Tagged ‘gift’

No matter what kind of gift you give to your Filipina, there is every chance she will not open it in front of you. Unless you insist she do, she will be happier to take the gift, thank you for it and put it to one side. She might even excuse herself and go into another room where she will open the gift in private. All Filipinos might do this, not just your girlfriend or fiance.

Unless the gift is a bunch of flowers and so already visible, wrapped gifts are rarely opened in front of the giver. Be they chocolates, toys, jewelry, electronics, cakes, food, clothes or anything at all the odds are she will just put it to one side and keep talking to you.

To us westerners this is strange, even rude behaviour. We believe the joy is in the giving rather than the getting, at least that is the official line. We want to share the joy the person feels when they open the gift and see what we have chosen just for them. All our love and care and concern is expressed in that gift and we want to relish the look on our loved one’s face when she opens the gift. Which is precisely why the Filipina prefers to open it in private.  Why?

Well, what if she is, let’s say, underwhelmed by the gift? She might be expecting a diamond ring and you give her a Whitman’s Assortment. While she will enjoy the chocolates she really wanted a ring and her disappointment will show and then you will be upset and that will spoil everything. Or, what if she is one of two or more receiving gifts from you? Unless the gift items are identical she might be enbarrassed if her gift is more expensive or less grand than the others.

No, it is far better all round if she opens the gift in private. Then if she loves it she can show you her gratitude and joy. If she hates it she can compose herself and show you her gratitude and joy as she believes you expect to see it. It is not about being disingenuous as we would see it but rather about maintaining the harmony of the relationship and the group by not upsetting the apple cart. We see it as something fake and false, they see it as the best way to move on to something else without causing unnecessary offense and probably future problems.

So if your recipient doesn’t open the present right away, don’t be offended. If they give you a gift, perhaps reciprocate and put it aside and open it later. I never do though. I’m a western man, not an Asian. I rip it open right then and there and tell them it is the best gift I have ever received regardless!

Of course they have chocolates in the Philippines. In fact if you go to any major supermarket or department store you can buy any of the big name brands you find at home; Hershey’s, Cadbury’s, Nestle and of course Toblerone. In fact they usually cost about the same as what you pay for them at home, especially when you factor in the air fare to get them there! My own sister-in-law flew in from L.A. last year with one entire suitcase full of candy and chocolates, just about all of which she could buy at Gaisano’s Supermarket in the provincial town of Bogo. Forget an SM or Robinson’s in Manila, this is a small Cebu town supermarket!

So why do Filipinas bring so much chocolate with them? Why do their relatives ask them to struggle through the check-in and luggage collection and possible overweight charges just to bring in something they can already buy there? The answer is woven deep into the Filipino psyche and history, it is cultural and involves the very concept of ‘Pasalubong’, or bringing back a present for those who waited patiently at home for your return.

Even if Filipino parents just go to the mall without their kids they feel obligated to bring them something back, a candy or small gift. When traveling abroad it is even more important to bring back something that makes the receiver feel wanted and loved and not forgotten by the traveler while they were away.

While many years ago chocolate was harder to come by and locally made products were inferior to imported brands, the global economy today means that you can get the highly thought of foreign (particularly American) brands at home. The price might be high compared to locally produced candy but it converts to about what you pay for it back home. So why hump it all that way?

It is because the Filipino thinks that unless it has been humped all that way and bought overseas with dollars then it is inferior and not a true pasalubong. When it comes to a Kano using some common senses and buying up chocolates from the local supermarket, make sure they don’t know you didn’t hump them from LAX. Everybody will lose face then and that is not a good way to start your trip.

Be aware that everybody within a 50 mile radius of whoever you are visiting will know you are there, have gifts and will want theirs, even people you have never met. Filipinos feel no shame in asking even perfect strangers for their present, their ‘christmas’.

This will change and no doubt among the more upscale Filipino families it already has. I recall being told how an Uncle returned from 20 years in the USA and brought his three nephews Timex watches. They laughed and told their dear old uncle that not only are Timex watches made in the factory on Mactan Island, one of the three works there and can get the watches at cost!