Posts Tagged ‘culture’
Why Won’t She Open Her Gift?
No matter what kind of gift you give to your Filipina, there is every chance she will not open it in front of you. Unless you insist she do, she will be happier to take the gift, thank you for it and put it to one side. She might even excuse herself and go into another room where she will open the gift in private. All Filipinos might do this, not just your girlfriend or fiance.
Unless the gift is a bunch of flowers and so already visible, wrapped gifts are rarely opened in front of the giver. Be they chocolates, toys, jewelry, electronics, cakes, food, clothes or anything at all the odds are she will just put it to one side and keep talking to you.
To us westerners this is strange, even rude behaviour. We believe the joy is in the giving rather than the getting, at least that is the official line. We want to share the joy the person feels when they open the gift and see what we have chosen just for them. All our love and care and concern is expressed in that gift and we want to relish the look on our loved one’s face when she opens the gift. Which is precisely why the Filipina prefers to open it in private. Why?
Well, what if she is, let’s say, underwhelmed by the gift? She might be expecting a diamond ring and you give her a Whitman’s Assortment. While she will enjoy the chocolates she really wanted a ring and her disappointment will show and then you will be upset and that will spoil everything. Or, what if she is one of two or more receiving gifts from you? Unless the gift items are identical she might be enbarrassed if her gift is more expensive or less grand than the others.
No, it is far better all round if she opens the gift in private. Then if she loves it she can show you her gratitude and joy. If she hates it she can compose herself and show you her gratitude and joy as she believes you expect to see it. It is not about being disingenuous as we would see it but rather about maintaining the harmony of the relationship and the group by not upsetting the apple cart. We see it as something fake and false, they see it as the best way to move on to something else without causing unnecessary offense and probably future problems.
So if your recipient doesn’t open the present right away, don’t be offended. If they give you a gift, perhaps reciprocate and put it aside and open it later. I never do though. I’m a western man, not an Asian. I rip it open right then and there and tell them it is the best gift I have ever received regardless!
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